Saturday, April 24, 2010

Portrait of an ENFJ (Me!)

ENFJ: "The Giver:"
Extroverted (1%)  iNtuitive (12%) Feeling (88%) Judging (11%) =Extroverted Feeling with Introverted Intuition

-I am slightly more extroverted (51%) than I am introverted (49%).
-Primary mode of living is externally based. I deal with things based on how I feel about them
-Secondary mode is internal, where I deal with things by my intuition.

-Have excellent people skills (more so than any other type)
-Understand and care about people, and have a special talent of bringing out the best in others
-Main interest in life is giving love, support, and a good time to other people.
-Focused on understanding, supporting, and encouraging others.
-Because ENFJ's people skills are so extraordinary, they have the ability to make people do exactly what they want them to do. *Muahaha... just kidding. :)
-Many ENFJs have tremendous power to manipulate others with their phenomenal interpersonal skills and unique salesmanship. But it's usually not meant as manipulation -- ENFJs generally believe in their dreams, and see themselves as helpers and enablers, which they usually are.

-Global learners. They see the big picture.
-ENFJs are, by definition, Js, with whom we associate organization and decisiveness. But they don't resemble the SJs or even the NTJs in organization of the environment nor occasional recalcitrance.
-ENFJs are organized in the arena of interpersonal affairs.Conclusions (reached through feelings) about people and motives are drawn much more quickly than those of NFP.
-ENFJs know and appreciate people. Like most NFs, (and Feelers in general), they are apt to neglect themselves and their own needs for the needs of others. They have thinner psychological boundaries than most, and are at risk for being hurt or even abused by less sensitive people.
-ENFJs often take on more of the burdens of others than they can bear.

-ENFJ's are so externally focused that it's especially important for them to spend time alone
This can be difficult for some ENFJs, because they have the tendency to be hard on themselves and turn to dark thoughts when alone.
-ENFJ's tend to be more reserved about exposing themselves than other extraverted types. 

The ENFJ may feel quite lonely even when surrounded by people. This feeling of aloneness may be exacerbated by the tendency to not reveal their true selves.
-Have definite values and opinions which they're able to express clearly and succinctly. These beliefs will be expressed as long as they're not too personal.

Although they may have strongly-felt beliefs, they're likely to refrain from expressing them if doing so would interfere with bringing out the best in others. 

-People love ENFJs. They are fun to be with.
-They are typically very straight-forward and honest.  
-Usually exude a lot of self-confidence, and have a great amount of ability to do many different things. 
-They enjoy being the center of attention, and do very well in situations where they can inspire and lead others, such as teaching. 
-Face-to-face relationships are intense, personable and warm
-Their genuine interest in Humankind and their exceptional intuitive awareness of people makes them able to draw out even the most reserved individuals.

-ENFJs have a strong need for close, intimate relationships, and will put forth a lot of effort in creating and maintaining these relationships. They're very loyal and trustworthy once involved in a relationship. 

An ENFJ who has not developed their Feeling side may have difficulty making good decisions, and may rely heavily on other people in decision-making processes. If they have not developed their Intuition, they may not be able to see possibilities, and will judge things too quickly based on established value systems or social rules, without really understanding the current situation. An ENFJ who has not found their place in the world is likely to be extremely sensitive to criticism, and to have the tendency to worry excessively and feel guilty. They are also likely to be very manipulative and controling with others.

-In general, ENFJs are charming, warm, gracious, creative and diverse individuals with richly developed insights into what makes other people tick
-This special ability to see growth potential in others combined with a genuine drive to help people makes the ENFJ a truly valued individual. 
-As giving and caring as the ENFJ is, they need to remember to value their own needs as well as the needs of others. 

Jungian functional preference ordering:
Dominant: Extraverted Feeling:
Auxiliary: Introverted Intuition
Tertiary: Extraverted Sensing
Inferior: Introverted Thinking

Taken from Personality Page

If you are interested in knowing yours:  
If you take this quiz, leave a comment and let me know what you got! It's fun! :)

Tuesday, April 20, 2010


This blog entry may be too transparent for my own good, but I felt compelled to write it. I'm not sure why just the idea of blogging seems so counter-intuitive for me. I have a hard time volunteering information about myself and my personal thoughts unless they are little things like "Does my hair look good today?" "No, it does not."  That sort of thing...
I guess part of it is not knowing who reads this (or if anyone reads this), but it always touches my heart when people tell me they were blessed by some little blurp I threw out into cyberspace and called it a blog. But I guess, at the very least, no matter how exposed I feel, it's just good for me to throw it out there just for my own benefit to cleanse my cluttered mind. :)

Right now, I am re-reading Captivating. I read it years ago, and it had an entirely different meaning on my life then when I was in a relationship than it currently does now, as a single person. It speaks to my heart in a different and profound way.

"A woman becomes beautiful when she knows she's loved... Cut off from love, rejected, no one pursuing her, something in a woman wilts like a flower no one waters anymore... The radiance of her countenance goes out, as if a light has been turned off."

Can I get an AMEN? Or... maybe it's just me. :]

This could not have described my heart (a couple weeks ago) any more if it even wanted to. In short, I closed the door on a guy situation. Needless to say, I entertained the possibilities in my head, but there was no way around the fact that we are just not good for each other. If I can't share the most important thing in my life (The Lord, My Maker, My Savior... it could go on and on) with the potentially most important person in my life... How could that work? Even though my foolish heart wanted to do otherwise, the Spirit was leading me to obedience... to keep this door closed.

Lord, I CHOOSE You. I CHOOSE obedience. So I let/am continuing to let this go.
Savior, keep saving me.

And there is something to be said about the wrong people pursuing you... Because they are not right for you, it doesn't open up your heart the way you would, knowing it was right. It's not supposed to work. So therefore, it doesn't. Not in the long run.

Through this weird situation, the Lord has shown/is showing me that even though my heart felt like it's "wilted." It's because I have placed importance on man. Our value as people is not dependent upon what people think of us. It's not up to them to decide what you are worth or if you are beautiful or not. As His children, we automatically have infinite value because we are marked by blood. There is Someone that is ALWAYS pursuing you, dear heart (whoever you are that is reading this). I don't know about you, but I know how quickly I forget that.

"The beauty of a woman is at first a soulish beauty" the same way "the strength of a man is at first a soulish strength- a strength of heart." It's something that comes from within. It's something that comes alive when we are at rest in the Lord; when we are content in His leadership.

Why are there so many romance novels, movies, and good ol sappy country love songs? Because we were stinkin made for a Great Romance! But Jesus, Himself, is the ONLY ONE who can offer it consistently and deeply. It is not until we have fallen in love with the Lord and given Him our WHOLE hearts that we are able to truly love another person. A relationship then becomes two givers giving to each other; two servants looking for ways to serve and bless the other person, and not two takers; two selfish people.

I realized that when I was looking to other things and other people, of COURSE, my heart was disappointed, hurt, and restless.

But these last few days, I have asked the Lord to open my eyes to see all the ways He does romance me; to look for Him in the most unusual, unsuspected places. He is bringing me back to a deeper love for Him than I have ever had before. This is uncharted waters for me because I have never been a follower of the Lord and single at the same time. So it's easy to say He is your First Love when you have someone holding your hand through life on the side.

"I stand now in this risky place of vulnerability, with a bleeding heart waiting and praying. Every day I must CHOOSE to lay down my defensiveness and ALLOW the healing balm of Jesus to attend to my wound and allow him to be MY God, MY Strength, MY Defender."
 The Lord is more than willing to clean and disinfect our hearts just like he healed the leper (Mark 1:40). That is a physical picture of our spiritual reality. My spiritual reality. So, in this new season, I REFUSE to be led and governed by my emotions. Lord, I want to be governed by Your Spirit. I want to live every day with passion, love, and grace. I want to live every day for the Lord. Life is too short to live selfishly. It just leaves you jaded, empty, and lost. Anyone who has tried that can testify that a selfish life is an empty one.

Needless to say, when my head and heart connected; understanding and grasping the DEPTH and REALITY of the love of MY Maker, My First Love, and how He pursues us, I started to come back ALIVE.

"But this same woman, who everyone thought was rather plain and unengaging, becomes lovely and inviting when she is pursued. Her heart begins to come alive, come to the surface, and her countenance becomes radiant."

Whoever you are, wherever you are, you are BEAUTIFUL. You are LOVED. Not only by me, but by the Defender of Your Heart. The One who knew you before you were ever born. Live for Him. He will NEVER let you down. EVER.
KNOW (REALLY know) you are pursued by the LORD, and let your heart come to experience abundant life!

He really IS "able to do exceedingly abundantly beyond all that we can ask or think (Ephesians 3:20)." He will bless us with something far greater and reward us for our faith and obedience. Not to mention we will have a deeper love and appreciation for who He is.

"We love because He first loved us." 1 John 4:19

Lord, You are MY First Love. Recapture my heart.


Thursday, April 15, 2010

Welcome Love, I have made a place for you here. ♥

Today is a beautiful day, and life has been looking up. Thanks to the Lord, and to a change of perspective. Life it too short to think that every day is the worst day in the whole world. It's not. :)
Every single day is a beautiful opportunity to make the most of such a big adventure!

So I decided I would kick off today with listing the little things in life that make me happy:
1. Being able to sleep in and take my time getting ready, which most likely includes: Sitting by the fireplace in my big squishy chair with a big cup of coffee in one hand and my Bible in the other.

2. Walking around downtown- Night or day- and discovering new, fun, little places, and meeting all kinds of interesting people.

3. Camping with friends! Or anything outdoors, really!

4. The feeling you get after working out or going for an hour long run. Then you feel like you can eat anything you want. or take on the world. Either works just fine. :]

5. When you are standing in line, ready to pay, and some sweet guy in front of you pays. haha don't worry, I'm not one of those girls that expects this, but it's such a sweet surprise when it happens. There really are nice guys out there. Thank you, Mr. Nice Stranger! Wherever you are!

6. When you are thinking about calling or texting someone because they have been on your mind lately, and they beat you to it, because they were thinking of you, too! :)

7. Meeting new people that you instantly feel super comfortable with. You don't need to pretend to be anything other than what you really are. You don't need to pretend to be super happy all the time. They have seen you at your worst, and they still just want to spend time with you.
Probably one of the sweetest things one of my friends, Erin, did for me was when I was in the BIGGEST FUNK of my life... Like SO down and out, she put down whatever she was doing (which was probably more important) and just sat with me in that moment. She didn't say a whole lot, but just her being there, holding my hand- her presence spoke more than words ever could.

8. Dessert, which is always a good idea. Especially, anything with chocolate or raspberries.Or the dessert-like breakfasts! Yum!

9. Big rings and accessories. I love fashion, but not in the typical trendy magazine sense. It's so fun to make your own style for your personality. Especially vintage shopping. gets the best of me. every time.

10. Having two wonderful big brothers. God has graciously brought them into my life and I don't know what I would do without them. They keep me out of trouble, and I keep them in line. It's a very functional relationship. I stinkin love my family. :)
Bryan- Funny how I met this kid. By a Divine appointment. We were in religion class together, and now we are lifelong friends and family. I love making friends in the weirdest ways and in the most random places.

Sarah, Me, and Josh (on the right)
Sarah is now in HAWAII! She is going to do great things there and learn lots about herself and about the Lord. I have know Sarah for years, and its so cool to see her change and love the Lord!
and Josh, you are a rad brother. So glad I have you and Bryan to look up sketchy guys and be willing to show up at their doorstep and scare them. :o)

11. My sister makes me happy! Especially when she is home for breaks! Love her! I couldn't have asked for a better sister/friend in life. I love that we are so close in age that we go through a lot of the same things together or one of us went through it a little bit before so we can give each other advice.

12. Being in a roomfull of books. Barnes and Noble and Powells... I could stay there for hours. I'm a total nerd. :)

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

"Don't look ahead, just run to me; each step will find the next one recklessly."

Just got back from meeting with my wonderful friend Carolyn.
A lot of things made more sense, and at the same time... I am a little bit more confused. Now, I have even more things to think about. Which is kind of hard on 3 hours of sleep. Nothing is very clear at the moment. :)

We talked a lot about life n stuff. She very rightfully suggested that I may be putting too much pressure on myself... Somehow, I have it stuck in my head that I am 21 and therefore, I supposedly need to know exactly what I am doing with my life, and map out some sort of game plan with very little wiggle room. Very little room to enjoy life and being young. I don't necessarily mean that in the reckless sense, but it's just so weird that we always operate and plan for the future at the expense of the moment we are given here and now. What if that future tomorrow never comes? Then we would have wasted our present, living in vain for the future. I want to redeem the time, now. I want to live for what's really important, and not out of expectations and what people think I should do or be to become successful in the eyes of the world. What is that anyway?

Honestly, if it were up to me, and time and money were not an obstacle, I would be content working at a coffee shop and being a camp counselor. Not forever, just for now. I got offered a job at a coffee shop yesterday, and I am very tempted to take it. The only thing holding me back is things that I think I should be pursuing for my future. There is always such a disconnect between who you want to be and what others expect of you; what you want to do and what you think you should do.

Anyway, I am a little conflicted. I feel like I have to instantly jump into working in a hospital and getting a ton of experience before nursing school... which I am a little uncertain of too. I just feel like once I get a job at a hospital or start nursing school, I am forced to all of a sudden skip a phase of life and become a full blown adult. It's not that I'm afraid of growing up, I'm not. It's just that I've had to grow up really fast as it is already. So I feel like it makes more sense to take my time, enjoy life and this new season, and really figure out who I am. 

Lately, I have been craving different. Probably because for the past 3 years, I have had so much stability in life: I had the same job, I was on the same career path in school, I was dating the same person, I had the same group of friends. Not a whole lot was different. But now I am stuck in between two stages of life. I have been branching out in so many different ways. Reading books that I wouldn't normally pick up, listening to different genres of music, hanging out with different groups of people. Basically, I am just living outside of my comfort zone. Supposedly, until about the age of 25 your frontal lobe is not fully developed. So I guess if that theory is correct, I have some soul searching in front of me.

But I guess now, while I actually have time for myself, is the best time to re-evaluate life and what I am doing. This morning at the 6am study, we were encouraged to think about what our gifts are so that we can use them to the fullest measure instead of trying to be something else.

Not sure why I am pressuring myself to grow up any faster than I need to... I'm 21, and I should be soaking up and appreciating every moment. . Man, life is such a weird and wonderful journey. Once you think you have life figured out... You realize, you don't. Not at all.

Not sure if this even made any sense, and if you have made it this far, congratulations. I will make you a cupcake.

Monday, April 12, 2010

Cutesy Little Cottage Bliss

This is where we slept and stayed up late girl talking it up. :)
Our cute little cottage. When I heard "beach house" I thought we were gonna be roughin it all weekend so I didn't even bring things to shower. I was wrong. We were spoiled. :)
This is the other house where the older gals stayed.
Our weekend getaway/ birthday adventure consisted of:
1. Lots of surprises- the best one being Ash's face when we all popped out of the stairwell.
2. LOTS of chocolate and dessert. I was in Heaven. :)
3. Laughter, games, and other sillyness.
4. Late night conversations and girly confessions.
5. Wonderful advice from the older gals on the trip. One of the best things to keep in mind- If you see an attractive, "exciting guy," mark him and avoid him, and give the seemingly boring nice guys a second glance. They may end up being perfect for you. hah :)
6. Walks on the beach
7. Buying salt water taffy and more sugar than was necessary.
8. Shopping at the cute little outlet mall and getting rad deals! I got a ton of stuff for under $20 all together. It almost felt WRONG that it was so cheap! But hey, I'll take it!
9. Singin in the car, listening to sappy country love songs. Perfection.
10. and last but not least, wonderful friends. wonderful company. :)

Happy Birthday Ash! -One of the best friends a girl could ever ask for! You  are beautiful! Thank you for blessing my life in a special way! Here's to you, darling! ;)
Super cute mirror. Needed to be documented.
On the drive home back from the beach.

Saturday, April 3, 2010

Mind Detox

Earlier today, I went for a run and you know those days where you just stop and look at a simple tree or flower, and it just strikes you differently, somehow.While I was running, I couldn't help but think that I breeze past so much that I forget to appreciate the simple beautiful things in life.
This weekend I promised myself to go on what I am calling a Mind Detox. I am going to do a lot of reflecting and reevaluating. I am not going to be on facebook for a few days and getting rid of some of the gunk in my life that I have carelessly let in.
"Watch the little things; a small leak will sink a great ship (Benjamin Franklin)."
Going for a run was so cleansing. A mix of fresh air and rain... Letting my thoughts run with me, and sorting things out.  

What in my life needs to go? What is holding me back?

Today, I realized I take a lot of things for granted. I don't ever want to do that. 
Not a lot in life is guaranteed. We are not guaranteed second chances at things. We're not even guaranteed tomorrow. Friends, family, and people we love aren't fixed constant things in our lives. Things happen every day that no one expects could ever happen. Sickness, death, heartbreak... I don't say this lightly. We are only given one life here on this earth. Am I living it with meaning and purpose? Am I LIVING at all or just letting life happen to me? 

I am a big believer in the fact that your past experiences shape who you are, but you are not doomed to a certain fate. I don't believe in using your past as an excuse to act a certain way. There comes a point in your life when you realize you are an adult and you can change if you are willing.
Something else I realized: People aren't always going to understand or agree with decisions you believe are right. People are always going to have their opinions. I don't want to be enslaved to the fear of man. I want to care primarily about what God thinks, and if I'm ok and at peace with things, then it shouldn't matter. Here's to letting go of caring too much about what other people think.
Here's to life. and REALLY LIVING. ♥

photo credit: Abbie Kirpatrick. She's awesome. :)