Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Confessions of a Semi-Frequent Insomniac:

  1. I am not perfect AT ALL. But if I'm going to believe something, I want to try and believe it with my whole heart. There's no point in dedicating your life to something you don't honestly believe in yourself. it's just empty religion.
  2. I have moments of impulsion. Moments where I don't want to feel predictable. Sometimes it's fun to wear something people would never expect you to wear or do something no one would ever expect you to do!
  3. I am emotional. Meaning, I am very in tune and self aware of how I am feeling. I used to think this was a bad character trait until my trip to India. One of my friends had told me it's good to express yourself and not hold it in. I don't cry a lot, but now if I want to cry, I'm going to just go for it. :)
  4. I am a straight-shooter. I hate the word "blunt" to describe this. I feel like there is a tactful, loving, and kind way to be open and honest with someone if you feel it's your place. I hate it when people just word vomit awful things to people and excuse it as "bluntness." No, that's just RUDE.
  5. I love passion. Even if it's misguided, I would take passion over apathy any day. What is the point of life if you aren't really LIVING?
  6. I try and be relatively healthy and work out, but when given the opportunity, I will 99.9% of the time, make an exception for french fries and dessert. Or a milkshake. Don't judge. I will eat something that tastes bad, but is good for me. I will eat something that is bad for me and tastes good.
  7.  I love questions. I have an open heart. Sometimes too open. I love meeting new people and getting to know them on a deeper level. There's only a few things I won't tell you. But there's not much personal stuff I will volunteer unless I get asked.
  8.  Sometime in my life before I settle down, I would love to just travel. Just go somewhere- anywhere. I love learning about other cultures, beliefs, and different ways of living. 
  9. I don't worry about things I probably should worry about. Taking the max late at night, going for midnight runs, and leaving my bags unattended... I need to be better about that.
  10. I am a sucker for a depressing love song. Or reading a tragedy. 
  11. Something about fireplaces makes me so happy. Love wearing slippers and wrapping myself up in a blanket- curling up in a big chair, reading next to the fireplace with a latte.
  12. I hate it when guys are passive. Especially when they expect girls to ask them out.
  13. I love honesty. I will respect you, no matter how presumably shocking it may be. I will always take the truth over what you think I want to hear. 
  14. I am such a cheese. There is so much freedom is admitting you're not cool. :o) You can now do anything you want.

  15. I am not addicted to coffee, I just can't get enough of it! ...if that makes sense. hah. There is something SO good about a cup of coffee. 
  16. I have big hopes and dreams. If life gets the best of me, I try not to let it get me down. I refuse to become bitter and jaded.
  17. I'm usually easy-going and comfortable around everybody. But when someone acts awkward and nervous, it starts to make me feel awkward and nervous. The only exception is if I think a boy is really cute. Then until I open up, I'm just a shy mess.
  18. I'm both a morning person and a night person. I can stay up till 2am (sometimes even later, which is gross) easily or I can flip to waking up at 4/5am. After 3 years of working at Starbucks, I can be flexible in my sleep patterns.
  19. I am borderline overly-affectionate. with girls. Especially big hugs and holding hands. I have just had too many people come in and out of my life unexpectedly. People that I thought would never move, have moved and left. Now, I want to appreciate every single person for who they are and love them as much as I possibly can. We're not guaranteed anything or anybody. We may not have tomorrow. Love today

      Basically, I'm crazy. :)
      There's more, but we'll save the other confessions for the many more nights ahead where I can't fall asleep.

        Monday, March 29, 2010

        Sunday in Corvallis

        Yesterday was perfect. Probably just what I needed. I woke up at 7am, and hit the road and headed to Corvallis for the day to spend time with family, and got to hang out with one of my best friends last night, which was so good for me. Lately, my head has been in the clouds. There is this one particular thing that has been on my mind. My head has been so clouded lately, that it's a little concerning to me. I don't remember the last time I was so back and forth on something. Usually, I am pretty decisive and stick with it. Now, my head and my heart feel a little disconnected.

        If anyone out there has any advice on how to smack some decent sense into someone, feel free. I'm open to it. :)

        I got to hang out with my little cousins. Here's Kayla. She's a little sassy frass, but after years, she finally decided I was worth hanging out with. She used to hate me before. Why would anyone hate me, honestly??? ;)

         There she is again. In her own little world.

        Here's me, lil K, and my 14 year old cuz: Christina.

        Even though it was just Corvallis, it was nice to get away from here for a day, get fresh air, and spend it with my cousins that I don't see a whole lot.

        I'm in this new, weird, exciting chapter in my life where: a. I don't work, and b. I don't go to school. So, basically, I'm a nerd right now. But it's only for a month until I start CNA stuff. But I am excited cuz for the past 3 years (especially the last year where I was taking a RIDICULOUS amount of school) I hardly had time for anyone or anything else, really. Of course, I would try and make time, but even then it felt like time was so limited.
        So now, I am trying to take FULL ADVANTAGE of this time. I haven't moved out yet, and depending on the interview this week and the job possibilities, I may not even move out for the next few months at least. When am I ever going to have a month of basically whatever I want to do without responsibilities?


        Tuesday, March 23, 2010

        I'm a Child.

        What do you do when life doesn't go the way you planned for it to?

        That is a question that I've been wrestling with all day. Looking back on my life, if I were to have written my own story (with a fresh clean slate) I would have written something completely different for myself. Maybe not fame and fortune, but I would have loved a life void of pain, suffering, and heartbreak.

        Now wouldn't that be nice? Kind of. But that's yet to come (in Heaven), but for now struggle is important in the process of growth and maturity: "After you have suffered a while, he himself will mend that which is broken (1 Peter 5:10)."

        If all the struggles and sufferings were eliminated, we would not grow any more than would a child. Our Heavenly Father wants to see his kids grow up.

        The name of God I got at the Women's All Night In Prayer (for what God was going to personally be for me this year), was "Father-Daddy." I am realizing more and more how God desires to be my father. My PERFECT Father. A Father that never has and NEVER WILL fail me.
        Tonight,I feel like child... going through moments of rebellion. I'm stubborn and fickle- surrendering things to the Lord, and a day later, trying to take it back; insisting that my way is best. But my patient, ever-loving, all-knowing Father knows best and has my best in mind. He wants me to grow up and trust Him.

        God calls us to be Child-LIKE in our faith. Not Childish. :)

        10 things I am specifically thankful for from God, my Father-Daddy this week:

        1. Protection- It has been SO evident that He has been protecting me from things that I do or don't realize are harmful to me.
        2. Provision- He is always ENOUGH.
        3. Comfort-(2 Cor 1:3-4; Ps 34:18)
        4. Prayer- He is praying for me (and you!), specifically.
        5. LOVE- The God of the Universe, Creator of the whole world loves us! Should I say more? :]
        6. Patience- I am crazy, stubborn, foolish and impulsive at times, and the Lord (My Dad) is so patient. His mercy remains.
        7. Direction & Guidance- Realizing my plans stink... and His way is best.
        8. His loving discipline- Sometimes, I just need to get a wake up call. :o)
        9. He is always up- If I am having a hard time sleeping, I can curl up on my bed and spend time with him; ask him questions, tell him what's going on in my life, and he CARES. (1 Peter 5:7)
        10. He is sympathetic- Sometimes when no one else in the world can understand exactly how you feel, My God can. My Dad can. :)

        Friday, March 19, 2010

        Welcome to my Blog!

        Why hello whoever you are!
        I thought I would start off by introducing myself... Seemed only fitting. :)
        I'm Jess!

        I am a student: 
        *First and foremost, I am a student of Jesus. He is the Lord of my life, Lover of my heart, and my Master and King. I love waking up every single day, knowing that I am loved by my Creator and learning new things about Him and His heart for us. He's so great!
        *Secondly, I am student of life and experiences. I love to travel and learn about different cultures and people... and learn from mistakes. Hopefully, I learn them quickly and don't make multiple mistakes over and over again... But I am a work in progress. Thankful for the Lord's grace and patience with me!
        *Thirdly, I am a student of miserable (and sometimes wonderful) textbooks. I am currently at PSU. Hoping to be a nurse someday. I just finished all my nursing prerequisites.Honestly, if nursing school wasn't SO competitive, I would totally nerd it up and just go to school forever if I could! Well, you know what I mean. I would just have so much fun learning, but just the idea of competing among thousands to get a spot, makes it so stressful. 

        A few random quirks:

        *I am an affection lover? I am convinced that touch is one of my love languages. Sometimes I just feel the need to hug people or hold their hand... even if I met them within minutes. Don't worry... I realize how strange this is.
         *I am a hand liker? Love to talk with my hands. I notice people's hands.
        *I am a closet nerd.I LOVE to read and learn new things. I find school so fun! Minus the moments of stress!
        *I am introverted. I promise this is true! People don't believe me until I explain since it seems so unlikely. I am an uninhibited introvert. I draw a lot of my energy from being alone. I value and need my alone time, but at the same time I don't have a "social handicap" or a hard time hanging out and being with people.
        *I am a sock LOVER. Don't even get me started. I love socks so much in fact, that I must wear them to sleep. Even in the summer.
        *I am not the best at drinking. Whatever that means. I don't like the taste of wine at all, but part of me wants to make myself "acquire the taste" just cuz wine is so classy. haha :o) I am starting to think that even one drink triggers migraines for me. Or maybe it's a conincidence? Anyone know??
        *I am a fashionista? One of my friends calls me a fashionista. I just thought that was so hilarious. I wasn't completely sure what that meant, but apparantly google search told me that a fashionista is "not to be confused with someone who is an obsessive trend follower. A real fashionista is someone that is dedicated to unique or high fashion clothing." Hey, I can dig that (Thanks Bryan)!
        *I am an ex-barista. I just quit working at Starbucks (after 3 years there). It's a completely different experience being on the OTHER side of the counter after working there... and I realized, I hate it. Part of me wants to jump back there and help or something... or maybe I just feel out of place being a customer after I know everything that goes on there. So now, I am a coffee convert. No more Starbucks, if I can help it. I am going to local shops, and realizing... hmm there is actually better coffee out there! Thank goodness I got out of my bubble before it was too late! 
        Speaking of too late, it's almost 2am. I should go back to writing my final paper!

        P.S. Not sure if anyone will ever read this, but if you are reading this feel free to say hello on here, so I can find your blog! :)

        Hope you all have a beautiful, wonderful weekend! ♥