Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Becoming Eve ♥

Fallen Eve demands that people 'come through' for her to fill a void.

Redeemed Eve is being met in the depths of her soul by Christ and is FREE to offer to others, FREE to desire, and WILLING to be disappointed.

Fallen Eve has been WOUNDED by others and WITHDRAWS in order to protect herself from further harm.

Redeemed Eve knows that she has something of value to offer; that she is made for relationship. Therefore, being safe and secure in her relationship with the Lord, she can RISK being vulnerable with others and offer her TRUE SELF.

"To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to NO ONE, not even an animal. Wrap it careful round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. 
But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless- IT WILL CHANGE.
It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable...
The only place outside of Heaven you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers of love is Hell."

(C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves)

Every time I re-read that quote by C.S. Lewis, part of my heart wakes up again. Last night at the Ruth study, we learned about Yare (greek word for fear), which means "to intellectually anticipate evil."

I was really convicted by that because we are not supposed to live in fear.How often do I live my life out of fear- letting the past hurts and regrets dictate my future. What kind of life is that? A selfish and sad one. Plus living in fear shows that something deep down in my heart doesn't trust that God is bigger than that. It shows that somehow I am not trusting Him to take care of my heart so I have to do it myself. And that's really dumb! He has NEVER let me down.
God is too gracious and too good for me to keep living with "old tapes running through my head (quoting my wonderful mentor)."  Today, I am consciously making the choice to take every thought captive to my Savior and my Redeemer and let Him reveal to me what is true while getting rid of the gunk.

No matter how cruel and awful life gets, I don't ever want to live a life of self-preservation. I don't want my life to be all about me. How empty is that? That's not the life we are called to live. I want to live life abundantly; falling in love with my Maker, and being poured out to bless and love others. Jesus is that never-ending fountain that I must drink of first, in order to channel it out towards others. You can't give what you don't have- We must be filled up in order to pour out.

He offers living water to all who are thirsty. What are we waiting for? :)

Monday, May 3, 2010

Top 10 Reasons Why I LOVED My Extended Spring Break!

Since tonight is the end of my "Extended Spring Break," I only thought it was appropriate to list off all the wonderful things about my 6 weeks of break (no job+ no school= blissful little adventures every single day)

1. God is SO stinkin' GOOD. By His grace, I am whole again. During the first couple weeks of my break, I was having a hard time. I did some "soul searching" and took time to seek His face and figure a bunch of stuff out about myself and life, and He honestly does do "exceedingly abundantly beyond all that {I} could ever ask or think." He has and is continuing to clean out the closet of my heart. He gently started chipping away at things that needed to go to make me more and more into His likeness. Not fully there yet (obviously), but I am excited for what's ahead! Lord, I continue to lay down my agenda and my plans in exchange for You and Your Kingdom. :)

2. I picked up running again. I can run an hour and a half non-stop, but have been running about an hour regularly cuz I get bored after a while... Unless I had a reason to train. Half marathon? People keep asking me, maybe one day I will give in. Until then, it's just for fun and to clear my head and something about being outside makes you come alive!

3. Girlfriends. I have had more time to finally get together and spend quality time with my girls, which is a nice change for students pursuing the medical field. Your life goes down the drain.So it was wonderful being able to do whatever I wanted!

4. Reading. I'm a nerd, and I have had time to read. I am reading Mere Christianity, Crazy Love, and Captivating (again). I am almost done!

5. I got inked! I have two tattoos and I couldn't be happier about them! I got "free" on my wrist to represent the freedom I have in Christ. Also something that was continuously on my heart was "It is for FREEDOM that Christ has set us FREE. Stand firm, then and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery. (Galatians 5:1)"
It's a reminder now that I have the choice every day to be obedient and faithful to the Lord. I don't have to walk back into my old way of living. I can shake off the chains that once bound me. I am free. I also got "my joy knows no bounds" on my foot, which represents all the joy the Lord has given me. Depression and anxiety is no longer a part of my life. That part is dead and He has given me more joy in my life than my body can contain!

6. REST. In one sense, I had a few weeks where I could sleep in and take my time in the morning. In another sense, my heart is at rest. Because of God and His goodness, I am SO content with life and where I am at. I feel refreshed and recharged just in time to start CNA stuff.

7. I went on a RAD beach trip with my BFF and other wonderful older women of the Lord. Learned a lot from watching them and spending time with them. Got to eat a ton of chocolate and dessert (which is always good) and stay up late talking.

8. New friends. Which I am always down for. Met two rad guys at the Lodge a few weeks ago, and have been hanging out every single day ever since usually till 3-4am. Coincidentally (or not) enough, we all ended up having the same "extended spring break." They start their jobs tomorrow and I start my CNA tomorrow. Hello, responsibility. It's been a while. :)

9. Learned/Still Learning that sometimes the best things come in the most unlikely places especially when you are not looking for it. God has a way of surprising you.

10. Probably the BEST reason that I loved this time off: I am learning that God absolutely LOVES us more than I could ever understand. He knows us better than we know ourselves. Why do we hold onto control instead of giving it to Him? He has never steered us wrong and given us any reason not to trust Him. Once I gave my dreams and hopes to Him, He took them and showed me that He can do so much better with the dreams He's placed in my heart than I ever could. I just have to be willing to let go. 

Alright kids, I should be in bed now since I have to wake up and be smart tomorrow! Have a fabulous week! :)